my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
