I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
