happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
