upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
