He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
