We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
