pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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