Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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