so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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