my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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