Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize