yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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