My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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