dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
