sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
