So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
