The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
