What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
