I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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