I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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