but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
