He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
