they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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