Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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