So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
