big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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