i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
