8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
