I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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