I like my sex mixed with concussions.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
