Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
