Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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