My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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