you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
