I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
