you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
