3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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