Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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