I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
