OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
