Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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