i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
