I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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