Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
