Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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