Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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