honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
