mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
