You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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