just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
