we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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