he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
