My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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