Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize