they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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