her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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