when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
