So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
