don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
