Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
