Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
