Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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