They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
