the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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