this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
