i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
