Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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