some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
