It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize