this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
